How To Open a Can of Worms with a Lace Bra.

Question: how many bad boys does it take to turn a misguided, perhaps naive, yet well intended woman into a can opener? Huh? Yes, that was my question. I want to know what it takes to get a perfectly good woman to act in a completely irrational way? Love. Love is what it takes.

I am no stranger to irrational behavior so I am going to share with you how not to behave in a relationship where you love someone and they don’t understand what you are on about. This information comes disguised in other instruction, the two step, step-by-step guide on how to open a can of worms with a lace bra. Whatever you do, don’t follow these instructions. Just be aware that it is possible to open a can of worms with a lace and bra and stay far away from both lace bras and cans of worms.

Can of Worms

Any one person that promises the world but fails to return a call, make an impromptu, unsolicited visit to you, take you out on a date or call before 8pm on a weekday is a can of worms. Insisting on unveiling who they really are is a bad, bad idea. Don’t keep saying, “Maybe with time…” . Maybe with time nothing! Step out of the crimson light, take a cold shower and gulp down a jar of reality. That man, that woman is what we call a classic can of certified worms.

loveLace Bras

To immerse yourself in total and utter regret and perhaps even cause yourself to unnecessarily gain a few pounds on pity-party ice cream and junk food, go ahead and use sex to lure an uninterested man into being interested in you. The fastest way to more agony is to try open a can of worms with a perfectly good padded lace bra. The sexier the bra, the bigger the heartbreak too. So take care to remember to call yourself an ambulance, the next time you attempt to trap unrequited love into reciprocity.

Conclusion

Love yourself a little more than the thrill. Chemistry is fantastic but nothing beats love that chooses to stay, to talk, to come back the next day. That love is worth the wait.

We Three

We three are fixed together by a supernatural love. We are bound so irreversibly we may never be able to trace the start of the thread. We are the centre of the whirlpool, the value of something priceless. We three are made to last till the day after forever.

We three know pain; being neither infallible nor untouchable, we have known battles so brutal it’s a small wonder laughter is still a familiar sound to the ear.

image  Our souls have been in combat for so long that we can hardly believe life can be nothing but bliss. Seven years of famine have come and gone and made room for more sorrow and plaque yet we three stand brazen with light eternal. We believe in victory, yes sir we believe in our love.

We three are the tall glass of cold water in the bowels of a drought; they gawk at us perplexed for we are an Offaly sight to the eye that understands very little. And then they come tumbling face-down before us, tripped by the mirage of a seemingly good, sheltered life.

We know good, we know sheltered, we know everyone comes to their day of reckoning one way or another. And once the come to close view of that sight, of us- still in the presence of our demise, resolute in the promise of a grand destiny, they yield to the possibility imageof a humbling God. They begin to see the monument we three are, the tribute to pain and hope we have reluctantly and thankfully come to be.

We three are beaten; we three are unbeatable. We three on our knees; we three lifted in prayer. We three know the taste of blood in the mouth as blows come thundering onto the jaw. We three have knuckles made of gold, made to mince our enemy into oblivion. We are not spent- we’re taking prisoners. See us rise!