How To Open a Can of Worms with a Lace Bra.

Question: how many bad boys does it take to turn a misguided, perhaps naive, yet well intended woman into a can opener? Huh? Yes, that was my question. I want to know what it takes to get a perfectly good woman to act in a completely irrational way? Love. Love is what it takes.

I am no stranger to irrational behavior so I am going to share with you how not to behave in a relationship where you love someone and they don’t understand what you are on about. This information comes disguised in other instruction, the two step, step-by-step guide on how to open a can of worms with a lace bra. Whatever you do, don’t follow these instructions. Just be aware that it is possible to open a can of worms with a lace and bra and stay far away from both lace bras and cans of worms.

Can of Worms

Any one person that promises the world but fails to return a call, make an impromptu, unsolicited visit to you, take you out on a date or call before 8pm on a weekday is a can of worms. Insisting on unveiling who they really are is a bad, bad idea. Don’t keep saying, “Maybe with time…” . Maybe with time nothing! Step out of the crimson light, take a cold shower and gulp down a jar of reality. That man, that woman is what we call a classic can of certified worms.

loveLace Bras

To immerse yourself in total and utter regret and perhaps even cause yourself to unnecessarily gain a few pounds on pity-party ice cream and junk food, go ahead and use sex to lure an uninterested man into being interested in you. The fastest way to more agony is to try open a can of worms with a perfectly good padded lace bra. The sexier the bra, the bigger the heartbreak too. So take care to remember to call yourself an ambulance, the next time you attempt to trap unrequited love into reciprocity.

Conclusion

Love yourself a little more than the thrill. Chemistry is fantastic but nothing beats love that chooses to stay, to talk, to come back the next day. That love is worth the wait.

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed.

(Before we get to it…)
I’m finding a whole lot of my past writing lately to my sincerest amusement and endearment. Much of it reminds me how I’ve really missed writing and that even with other keen interests, hobbies and talents, my love for writing is impassioned and deep-seated.

Marriage was not always a factor to me. For the largest part of my life as a young woman, I reveled in my own independence and imagined a life and future filled with many adventures, amongst which marriage was not included.

Kids were a different matter since my mother was raising her children as a single and accomplished woman (this was before her marriage to the love of her life, my dad Vusi) at the time. And then I met my first grown up love at age 21 and suddenly marriage looked a lot more attractive than ever before.

So, although I never dated this piece and can’t be sure when exactly I wrote it, I suspect it was only after 2003.

Hey…the writing style is not as fresh as some of what I’ve done recently so I let the “OCD” kick in and take over and attempted to tweak it here and there, without drifting too far from the original work. It’s long too (mea culpa) so please feel free to throw your tablet on your lap, hug a bag of chips and be comfortable ;-). I will publish it in three parts, starting with “Something New”.

As always…thank you for reading!

P.S. Disclaimer: No people with real OCD were harmed during the reproduction of this piece ❤

Something New

african wedding1I was a fairy tale novice when I met the first man to ever make my heart flutter senselessly. That year I spent the first New Year’s Eve ever with him and our friends instead of with my family. A late bloomer to everything relating to mature adult relations, l relied completely on this boy to map out the blueprint of our affair. I even let him determine the pace and gladly gave in to his ideas of what was to be done to elevate our relationship to another level. Starting the year in his arms and not embracing my mother and sisters was one such example.

It’s hard to describe the overwhelming euphoria this love created within me. Passion surged uncontrollably, even without cause to believe that something more, something permanent would come out of our growing little love affair.

To a great extent I equate marriage to these feelings I had for my first love. All two people have is an unreasonable confidence, unwarranted faith that the love they are cementing permanently with vows, a dress and tux, cake and a license is going to last forever. Something new, something like a first love or a walk down the isle, always inspires mad courage and faith in the impossible.

Sent from my iPad